If others could look into his soul and see what hatred there bubble, they would have shuddered. But they appeared outwardly upon acceptance. It was shaking with anger, but he was smiling.
Used for many years filigree mastery. Never let emotions run rampant, and black feelings out. Sometimes he was horrified: is it possible — not to love anyone, everyone to despise, to wish everyone the bad? “I’m for subman!” But calmly, with detachment after weighing the arguments, came to the conclusion that the motivation is correct, verified, reason is not their own bitterness and selfishness, and people, their characters and hopeless stupidity.
In childhood, the mother and father too often he was punished — for what? They had limited, hard-nosed commoners, vulgar inhabitants. He, at an early age, they were really quick wit.
was not so hot. But school teachers (and later College professors) were scanning through their pathetic queries, small salaries, poor personal relationships, unfulfilled ambitions.
In offices, where the opportunity to serve, forced to obey the doldonit-chiefs and sedition been snooping round the HR. In the Mercantile intrigue and not get involved. Do not conflict. Gradually gained experience to preterists, to adapt, to get along, to get along. Could rise, vozbuhat, to shout (there arose enough), to specify each appropriate place… “Every cricket stick to his last”. But the proverb addressed to himself. Rebellion and trick will only mess it up, break achieved parity and positive will bring: colleagues (so-called) wait for the case to adequately ukontrapupit. Uryt. Fragmentary the triumph over scum is a poor consolation. Pounce, take, devour, eat with giblets. Be quiet or cowardly to take revenge, to harass, push you around. No, if we are to survive, survive complete. Not ugly twists and turns.
For what? This question he tormented. What for to pull, to prolong the rigmarole hypocrisy, servility, groveling, of self-abasement? And in the end — of Samothrace? And pushed away a certain answer because of the ambiguity of perspective.
Married — unsuccessfully. At first it seemed fiancee understands and sympathizes. It is in the spring, when they began passionately chorioditis, looked attractive, he was willing illusion: lucky, met, the same as he, painfully vulnerable, undervalued, fragile. The reality was rougher. Plank sissified, practicality in it (probably carefully disguised in order of marriage) prevailed, sawed it for fun saw and itchy (small grumpy little soul!), family problems became apparent.
All insincere. This prehodyaschest he found already at the beginning of his razmyshleniya vigils. Say one, have to VI��have more. Say not what they say. Articulate: “good to see” and mean “fuck you.” So wife cheated, turned chameleona. I had to be careful to crack hydrovance, and he fell, so no one to blame but yourself. It is no use to take her slovenliness, mismanagement, laziness. No one has the power to alter genetically fashioned kind. But can only broadly mimic, to create the impression, in order to gain minuscule. So pathetic, and plead-that it was seriously shameful… the fact is not depressed. Was ready for metamorphosis. Finally locked in a hopeless world. To the hopelessness of the long gravitated.
About himself was aware: of configured sublime romance became mundane Viigo, migrateuser crumbs and handouts.
“what For to go to Drudge? For whom? — continued to plague him, he sleepless nights. For fools-wife? Or younger daughter?”
the Daughter is ugly weak worm — was desperately disappointed.
a Private “two” and “three” in school was not perceived as hurtful, comforting not having anyone to be a beacon, the ancestors of the sample averaged or even stupid. That did not take place, not usarli. The daughter had hoped. Naively thought: antecedents and potency are present. Gradually overtook and opened: glupyie not given neither the seven nor the two spans in a forehead, her chances are less than him kogtetochke. Hollow (while not pregnant) doll! Pop-eyed dummy! And you become pregnant will be matryoshka!
I Mamasyal stubbornly resisted in his own consciousness obliged to do so, so helpless pussy and stepped across the spreading desert of indifference and cruelty with minimal trauma and loss, to provide education, sprovorit at least some of hers and to choose out a position (well-paid), for the answer for hastily, unwisely made unfit child.
But he could, if barely kept on a shitty salary, shitty, musty office? Who could introduce, to bring tehu — except bedraggled clerks, whom we need not the woman and her decency, and (at least) the patronage of an extraordinary father-in-law?
Infuriated by the prevailing dominance of pseudocumene, pseudoautosomal, pseudoprecocity. Voiceless poseur was samoprovozglashennost soloists, ugly shrew and campy flirt pose as stars of the catwalk and shaking dubious silicone charms, assigned policies mongrel blown talkers shamelessly pulled the blanket popularity of glazed oligarchs whose Bank accounts were replenished to pull from the state Treasury, lavished fables about how to get rich… Violently swirling, engulfing the planet in madness called impotent fury, pumped invincible fatigue. Not the feeling: living next door to a crazy house. Not inside not at the epicenter of the hospital, where not treated, and trigger the disease, and weeds. He guarded his marginal position.
Turned on the TV and was built on the participants of the endless futile talcosis. The TV series brought to heartburn.
Went to the clinic and pre-hated unqualified doctors.
In the theatre and the cinema proceeded sarcasm: mediocrity, conveniently nestled in the thick folds of cumbersome bureaucracy, make do with kickbacks apparatus, threshed monstrous hack, sucked from the budget of the people’s millions.
Zryashnoe utility workers and street repair Scam was unworthy of even a sardonic smile.
Wife — personified idiosyncrasy.
Daughter — collapse, the collapse of dreams.
the Team, which worked, was awarded the diploma for achievements, and he grinned etnicheski: if the first letter of the ceremonial word “diploma” to replace, to open the true picture of things happening: “shameful”!
the rhetoric of panegyric drinking buddies about themselves, in which semblables listed own merit, sickened by the inconsistency. The bouncers didn’t realize how funny…
Went to the transport and glared passengers: frustratingly indistinguishable Seerose sat and was buried in the screens of cell phones or Newspapers, have to make do with dried-up info and rancid push-button fun. At stops the cars and salons were emptied as intestine from fecal to immediately be filled with it again.
there was Nowhere to go from running once and for all (as a wind-up mechanical toy) kolovraschenie. Out of habit, he dodged, Dodge, oppolzer was threatening to expose his secret misanthropy obstacles. Sincere vacuum ziyal-glittered holes — the unasked fate. But she promised, promised success? No, not hidden destiny — standard nicemusic, statistician nondescript caliber.
the Wife does not have time to learn their cruelty. He wouldn’t care for her, stay she is confined by paralysis to bed.
the Daughter called and whined: “I’m abandoned!” He was upset: “everyone has his own fate. Must carry the cross without complaint”.
Not to spite someone (and only in spite of himself) extended red tape of everyday life — it is better than lying on the back with a lean aggravated mug ready to go into a fire-breathing oven drawer. Make no mistake: his departure won’t cause anyone grief (but only internally annoying hassle of burial), will not produce excitement in connection with the opened position (on the departure of the former who held the humble post of fry).
Inside the cooling body were smouldering embers of feelings. Burning flames subsided, the fire of fury cringed. Deprivation appeared to be particularly acute after a state funeral. Calm lifetime mate transformed into polusmerti calm. Hell broke loose — already outside, boiling in ��otle of the volcano lava.
hell was a lot like him, enveloped in the all consuming fire of logs. Hairy firemen planted a new wood, and Loved All the Firefighters in white robes — went between moaning, screaming, or stoically and in a flash his teeth and admonished:
— What is done? Not extinguished the first flames! Now it is extremely difficult to relieve.
