Francis has been in a relationship with the “boyfriend of his life” for 20 years. But he is not in a monogamous couple. This is also the secret of his happiness, he believes, beaming. Story of a man on a mission.
His story is similar to others you may have read here, he knows. Too bad. Or rather: so much the better. “Because we don’t hear enough about it,” he says straight away, smiling, comfortably installed in a pretty park in the Village. It’s kind of the same thing, but it’s not the same thing, and to break the taboo, you have to say these things! »
The man, early sixties, actor by profession, confides with gentleness and as much eloquence. Its goal ? “Thwart the indoctrination,” he says without hesitation, ogling the handsome, muscular bodies training nearby in the scorching late May sun. Why, exactly?
Oh yes, and because not all open couples are obsessed couples either, he would like to point out. “Am I paranoid? I think it bothers, he says, laughing. But just because we have multiple sex relationships with different people doesn’t mean we’re obsessed with sex! »
No, he didn’t always think so. In fact, he wasn’t even always gay. Or, at least, not always dared to assert themselves. It doesn’t really have a connection, he thinks, or maybe it does, you’ll see, but still, until he was 20 years old, Francis was downright playing straight. He still hears his “homophobic” father warning him with his brothers, around the age of 7: “You can be beggars, thieves, murderers, anything but homosexuals, he tells them. And it stuck. I loved my dad. »
Francis was living abroad at the time, and had his first sexual relationship around 17, with a French teacher, in his early thirties. Anything but traumatic, he takes great care to specify. “It’s charming, extraordinary, fantastic,” he said, smiling. As proof: he then sleeps with his colleague, also a teacher!
It was not until he was 20, when he landed in Montreal, that he “assumed” himself, as they say. “It’s total revolution,” he continues. I’m at the Conservatory, I see gay people, there’s cruise, people are nice, it’s easy, I let myself go. […] This is the chance of my life, otherwise I was going to a failed life…”
His first experience with a “school guy” is also “great”. “I was going through something so big, I thought I could die there, it wouldn’t be more serious than that, nothing could top that. That gives you an idea of all the “pent up energy” so far.
Francis then “browsed” right and left for a few years, with boys, but also a few girls, before really settling on men, mid-twenties.
He then goes on to monogamous stories (one year here, three years there, etc.) before spending more than 10 years with a “fantastic” guy, whom he met in his early thirties. Clarification: yes, exclusive relationship always.
“I think he’s the man of my life, at the same time I’m looking for the absolute,” Francis analyzes with hindsight. And then maybe I feel a little tired. In short, he wants better. Or let’s say something else. Otherwise, maybe?
At the turn of the forties, Francis separates, to then meet yet another lover, the famous “boyfriend of his life”, with whom he is still today, almost 20 years later. “And that’s the total!” he shines, I love him, […] he is beautiful! »
Here we are finally. It is that with this new lover, Francis decides to live as he pleases. “I’m going to be a free thinker. I’m not going to be fooled a second time by formatted thoughts, “he wishes, alluding to the heteronormativity imposed by his father, we remember.
At the time, he still heard Janette Bertrand lament on the radio that young people wanted to have it all: “The great love story that lasts and sex with casual encounters. But unfortunately that is not possible. ” Why not ? our man wonders, while making it clear how much he “adores” Janette Bertrand – “she’s a goddess, she’s done so much for us!” “Nevertheless, he continues. “My gut tells me it’s possible. Our grandparents had exclusive relationships, it didn’t work out, our parents had secret sexual experiences, the relationships didn’t last…”
He more or less imposes the matter on his companion, who is not there yet. “He’s younger, explains Francis, has less experience, maybe less thought…” And no, it’s not exactly obvious to him. Think: tears on one side, remorse on the other. “But I reassured him a lot, I adored him,” he repeats. But I was not going to let myself be locked up. ” And then ? “Eventually he too explored and it was fantastic for him too. »
Concretely ? When they were younger it meant that when they went out to the “clubs”, “if we met someone else and came home at 8 in the morning, that was totally fine”. Today, it happens more via apps. “If there is attraction, we do not repress. »
Francis now has two other lovers for a few years, whom he sees alternately, once a week.
“My boyfriend was afraid it would weaken [the relationship], an accident happened so quickly. ” But no. How do they do ? “It’s amazing how easy it is,” he said. It only takes one thing: a reassuring partner, a loving, empathetic, transparent partner. »
Otherwise, indeed, he knows, it can be a “hardship.”
Besides, has Francis ever been jealous? ” Yes. It is something that cannot be cured. One night in particular, he recalled, “I thought I was never going to see him again.” And then her lover came back. “Yes, I was jealous, but not viscerally. And he reassured me. »
We have to know: are they still sleeping together, for all these years of being a couple, but also of being open? “I love her dearly,” he replies skillfully, “but it’s a lot less frequent than before.” […] And that’s normal, it’s the pheromones. How many times less? ” Once a month. And is it good? “Yes,” he assures. But no, “it’s not the fire.” A fire that he finds elsewhere, we understand.
“But him, I adore him, we have so many layers of memories, he unfolds, he’s magnificent!” Everything is reconcilable, he believes. Listen to your heart…and your ass! »