Isaac is married, happy in his couple as in his bed. But he occasionally leads a “double life” a few times a year. Interview with a man half-assumed, half-ridden with guilt.

Isaac, in his mid-sixties, wrote to us this summer to confide: “I occasionally use the services of a male masseur,” he revealed. “I too feel like I’m living a double life. » A confidence which seems to echo that of our interlocutor last week, remember, a certain Vincent* who confided cheating on his wife in secret with gay men.

But here it is: Isaac is not hiding from his wife, but from his husband. Yes, you will have understood it, Isaac is gay. Obviously, straight people aren’t the prerogative of “double lives”. But the case still piqued our curiosity.

The man arranged to meet us a few days ago, on his pretty shaded terrace, on a beautiful sunny day. Dressed neatly, with white hair shaved to the side – “when I was young, I was very, very successful,” he says straight away, and it’s not hard to believe him. “My husband says I’m a sex bomb! », he adds with a laugh. The tone is set. The angle too.

Issac always knew he was gay. And after a few “unsuccessful” relationships with girls (“I had a lot of repression […] because it was forbidden!”), he finally came out of the closet at 20. At the time, he was madly in love with a school colleague, with whom he also experienced his first “sparks”. “We saw each other every weekend and we just fucked, fucked, fucked. We did everything,” he enumerates. Our man, however, has the feeling of having time to catch up. “I have repressed so much! As proof, he leaves his first flame, so much he needs to explore. “I was sure I wouldn’t be faithful!” I was a nymphomaniac! he says, smiling.

And then ? And then Issac lives his “youth life”, as he puts it, 15 good years. “With all the ups and downs, but never sickness,” says our “safe sex” fan. He earns a very good living, goes out, travels, takes full advantage. “Saunas, send, in parks, everything goes. I had buddies for a week, a month, that’s all. It’s hard on the emotions for a hypersensitive like me…”

He ended up settling down, mid-thirties, with a crush in the street. “Who is that beautiful little boy?” “, he still hears himself thinking. That was over 30 years ago, and he is the one who will become her husband.

Isaac still remembers: on the first day, his Romeo refuses to come to his house. “Never the first night,” he said. Her answer seduces him: “He just got some points!” […] I felt a lot of rigor and seriousness in him. That’s a determined guy who knows where he’s going. And Isaac wants to go with him.

Nevertheless, he tries and dares after a moment of living together. “Are we an open couple?” he asks her. Negative. “Okay,” Isaac replies, “perfect. And he will never speak to her about it again. For what ? The question makes our interlocutor think. “Fear of losing him? »

It must be said that here and there, through the years, Isaac has “escaped”. For a year, he even left his lover. Because he was not able to resign himself to this exclusivity. “I loved it, but I needed to go to the sauna, to cruise again. In time, we calm down! »

And he did eventually “calm down”…halfway. ” Not often ! A few times a year, I have…breakaways! “When I was younger, it was little quickies here and there, in the park or in his apartment. Today, more “modest”, Isaac opts instead for appointments with the “masseur”. “I found a compromise, he said, so as not to hurt anyone. A compromise he keeps to himself.

And sir doesn’t suspect a thing? “I can’t answer,” he said, shrugging. For his part, Isaac talked about it with his shrink. Because “it feels good to discuss it” and especially because he concluded that “it’s not that bad”. “It would be serious if, from my point of view, I had a long-term sustained extramarital affair. But that’s not my goal. »

This is not its purpose because it is actually and demonstrably “fulfilled”. “I’m happy with him [her husband],” he insists. He is a good being, without any malice. And yes, their sexuality is “very satisfying.” “We cum very, very hard!” There’s shouting in the house! he illustrates. Once a month, we space it out and when it happens, it’s something. »

This does not prevent that a few times a year, it “tickles” him for weeks. “I have to go, I can’t take it anymore […], I like going for a massage sometimes. […] I consider it as a therapist who massages me and with whom it usually ends with a happy ending. »

It is after that he “suffers” and finds himself plagued by “guilt”. “Why did I do this? […] All the questions it raises! »

Not to mention the illegality of the case. Isaac takes the opportunity here to slip in his opinion: “It’s one of the oldest professions in the world, could we respect that with all the objectivity and detachment that it demands? There are plenty of women and men who suffer from it today, because they are in drugs or exploited, it’s a whole world that should be regulated! Watch them, take care of them, respect them as a society! “, he launches.

He’s been talking about it for an hour. He got around the question. “I have the best guy in the world,” Issac concludes. Yes, I’d rather he knew, but I don’t want to hurt him. […] As for me, there are a lot of men who do things in secret. And no, not just straight men…”