Grandparents can be a godsend. They are a second home for their grandchildren and often a great help to their parents. But there are also rights and obligations for everyone involved here – especially when the parents separate.
Grandparents drew the joker. They are allowed to love and spoil grandchildren, but do not have to educate them. You can help parents in the balancing act between work and family. But you don’t have to.
But grandma and grandpa, like children, can get caught between the fronts of separating parents. The legislator has therefore made clear specifications for good and bad times.
The responsibility for bringing up children lies solely with the parents. Parents have no legal right to have grandparents look after their children. But most of them are happy to do so. Nevertheless, sensible restrictions apply here to protect children.
Kindergartens, for example, require the parents to authorize whom they can entrust the little boy or girl to pick them up.
When the grandparents go on vacation with their grandchildren, it’s a good time – for the parents too. For everyone involved, however, this can end abruptly at the airport or at the first border crossing. Anyone not traveling with their own minors must have written parental consent with them.
Legal expert Michaela Rassat has been a lawyer at ERGO Rechtsschutz Leistungs-GmbH since 2005.
In some countries, certification of this declaration by a notary or municipality is also required. Additional documents such as a copy of the birth certificate may also be required. Here it makes sense to find out beforehand about the regulations of the travel country.
It is also important to have a regulation in the declaration of consent that allows the grandparents to decide on medical questions in an emergency. The Federal Foreign Office provides assistance with the content of such a power of attorney.
Some grandchildren, minors or still in training, grow up with their grandparents, who are still working. Then grandma or grandpa are also entitled to parental leave from their employer. However, they must otherwise meet the same requirements as the parents: for example, they must be employed, live with the child in the same household and bring it up. However, there is no obligation for the grandparents to raise children, look after them or visit them.
Not only parents and children, but also grandparents and grandchildren can owe each other maintenance. If the parents cannot support their children due to lack of income, financially well-off grandparents have to step in – with clear restrictions. The Federal Court of Justice (Az. XII ZB 123/21) only decided in October 2021 that grandparents’ liability for damages must be the exception.
On the one hand, unlike the parents, the state has no power to actively collect the money. In addition, grandparents are allowed to keep significantly larger sums for themselves than parents: income of 2,000 euros per month plus half of the income above that. However, if the parents want to invoke this, they must be able to prove that the grandparents are solvent.
When irreconcilable parents fight, their children get caught between the fronts. Especially in times like these, grandparents often become a safe haven for grandchildren big and small. Therefore, the Civil Code only allows parents to forbid grandchildren to have contact with them in exceptional cases. The most important criterion from a legal point of view is the best interests of the child. If the children benefit from dealing with the grandparents in terms of their development and emotional stability, they – like other important caregivers – have a right of access.
Conversely, the grandparents must not use the grandchildren as an instrument in disputes with their daughter-in-law or son-in-law. If they bring the children into another conflict of loyalty in this way, their rights of access may be suspended or revoked. It doesn’t matter whether the parents or grandparents originally started a dispute – because only the well-being of the child counts.
Anyone who loves children tries everything to avoid such situations. But when push comes to shove, the courts of last resort have to decide.
Grandparents can enforce their visitation rights in the family court. The well-being of the child is always the priority there. That is why the judges also ask children and young people personally what they want. This is only waived in a few cases, for example if it is only a question of property that the child cannot yet understand.
If the court decides in favor of the grandparents, the specific contact times depend on the child’s level of development and living conditions. Visiting times can vary from a few hours a month to a long weekend a month. However, the court also takes into account points such as the distance from the respective places of residence and the closeness of the personal relationship with the person entitled to access. Boycotting parents face a fine.
Such legal proceedings can only be the very last option. For the sake of the children, everyone involved should seek legal advice early on and be prepared to reach an out-of-court settlement. Lawyers can assess and advise on the legal situation. Mediators can also support the conflicting parties in resolving a dispute constructively.
