What experience the parents who lose their beloved child to a deadly disease? And what you go through when tragedy strikes so brutally and quickly? How you can find strength again, what rituals help you? Olympic champion Donghua Li (51) lost his seven-year-old son in just four days. The small Janis got on Friday, abdominal pain on Tuesday, he was dead. The well-known children’s – and youth psychologist Allan Guggenbühl (67) has always cared for parents and their children during the dying processes. In the VIEW he has all the answers.
with parents in such a tragic Situation?
So an event is a huge shock, traumatic for all Concerned. It is the worst possible incident is at all in life. For the parents, a long process begins. You can handle an event with the years, but it is a long, difficult road.
There is a danger that one makes unfounded accusations as a father and a mother is always there. Effectively it is a blow of fate, you could not prevent them as loving parents. The Brutal is that such accusations come to himself, unfortunately, very often. It is important to recognize that the fate strikes often out of the blue. It is simply cruel.
If a longer time of suffering preceding, then you can slowly from the child to adopt. You have the time, to lead a dialogue with it, rituals to exercise. You can say things you would never say otherwise. This is difficult, but it may be more tolerable than an immediate loss, the is hardly to cope with.
The environment – family members, friends or neighbors are often overwhelmed with the Situation. You soft many, no longer want to talk to the parents concerned at all. Then, it is important that you will find common forms, in order to regain proximity. We can work with you to organize an event, a ceremony make. This means that parents can make home a kind of farewell where you can handle the near death of a child together. Often, something can take place in a religious context, also often helps.
on the one Hand, you told him stories, but also about the Faith. I know of a little girl who developed himself to such stories. One was from a horse’s Paradise, in which the Rösslein in heaven are happy. This helped to mitigate Fears and prepare for death.
Then you have to have a talk with yourself, an inner process. Such dialogues with themselves are important, you are a very special Form of adoption. You can touch the baby and talk to him. Or praying. Also that helps.
death is always a tremendous burden, many relationships break at the loss of a child. The son or the daughter are the result of this relationship, and this product of the common love is suddenly missing. Structures are changing, the dynamics breaks down. The relationship needs to be reconfigured and redefined in the pipeline, otherwise it breaks.
You are grieving for a lifetime to a child. Such a pain never stops. But with time, the Suffering is no longer in the foreground. To handle the loss internally, but it is almost impossible. Nevertheless, one can eventually lead a good life.
time heals wounds, the life brings back the mourning with the years. At least a little.
You have to act to the best of our Knowledge and belief, parents should not panic. You have to keep in mind also, and there are Certain diseases you can’t see easily advance.
Donghua Li for the future?
That he can keep up with his passions, and the joy of life in the long term again.
Allan Guggenbühl, born in 1952, is the son of the psychiatrist and Jungian psychoanalyst Adolf Guggenbühl-Craig (1923-2008), as well as a Scottish sculptor. His grandfather was the journalist and publisher Adolf Guggenbühl. He grew up in Omaha and later in Zurich. After training as a primary and the real teacher, he was in 1974-75 in Mexico city with Manuel Lopez Ramos in classical guitar training. Guggenbühl is the Director of the Institute for conflict management in Zurich. In addition, he has his own practice in Zurich.